Fuck when the last time I had good talk with some one?  Or a real hug.  Or time to cuddle with someone.  Or to be in love, or have someone love me, or anything like that.  The last time I wasn’t entrap by my own self doubt and loathing.  Fuck life ain’t that bad but I’ll be damned if it still doesn’t eat at me.  I mean i can only drink so much pain away.  I can only try and bury the feelings for so long.  I can only out run my demons for so long.  It’s only a matter of time before I am consumed.  I just hope everyone is off and too busy in their own lives so that when i eventually collapse under the weight across my shoulders they just can’t seem to notice. It be the best for all parties involved…

Silhouette

Have you ever been so focus
So dreadfully and woefully possessed 
By the need to be with some one
That you could spot them from miles away
The way the walk, and they way their body just 
exists
The way the hair falls around their shoulders
Curly or straight or what ever it may be
You could tell it was them in seconds
With a passing glance or moments notice
It’s a terrible trait to have
To be able to recognize a person by their silhouette
When that’s all you’ll ever be to them

There’s still a little twitch
a tingle, pins and needles
At the back of my throat
At the pit of my stomach
At the left and right of my heart
When I see you floating on the front page
Because you still don’t know
You will never know
It’s for the best
I hope
That this secret fire that burns
Dies silent and unseen

If I were to die tonight
the only prayer I’d send out
To what entity might receive it
Is that my friends feel no pain
And my family sheds no tears
For the fact
That my soul no longer has a home
That my body no longer walks this earth
Fret not that I am gone
For I guarantee the best of your life
Is yet to come
With or with out me
To take part in it

Illusions of Grandeur

Illusions of grandeur
Are all I see
All these lies
That I’ll never be
I see the sun, I see the moon
And they’re setting on me

I live in a world 
Where my wrists don’t bleed
And my demons can’t find me
The nights are never cold
And the sun is always warm

I live in a world
Where my bones don’t ache
And the voices don’t sing
The nights I’m never alone
You’re right there next to me

Illusions of grandeur
Are all I see
All these lies
That I’ll never be
I see the sun, I see the moon
And they’re setting on me

I live in a world
Where I can stay sober
And the heights don’t call me
I can run and run run
And I can stay free

Illusions of grandeur
Are all I see
All these lies
That I’ll never be
I see the sun, I see the moon
And they’re setting on me

I see the stars, and they are fading on me
I see the sky, and its going dark on me
I see the Sun, I see the Moon
And they’re setting on me
They’re setting on me

Trust me, I’m lying.

trebemot:

I could tell you I’m all right
That everything is fine and dandy
And those scars on my arm are from the cat
That the bags under my eyes are because 
I stayed up late doing homework(of all things)
I would just smile and nod and go through the motions
And wait to go back into the arms of those demons
That know me all to well
I could tell you I’m all right
And you would ask are you sure?
And I would say trust me(I’m lying)

 

prompted by - ressuscitepourmourir

trebemot:

I wouldn’t call me sane or stable
And far too often I’m sober
Haunted is better
Possessed sometimes
Weighed down by weights you will never see

or know

Striving to find a balance
between all these fuck ups that make up my facets
And these hang ups over tiny things
I try not to let them me the things I hang my self off of

No one likes a broken man
But some seem to love it
I’d like to meet someone who does
Hell I’d pass for someone who could just put up with me

I wouldn’t call me sane or stable
And far too often I’m sober
Haunted is better
Possessed sometimes
Weighed down by weights you will never see

or know

Striving to find a balance
between all these fuck ups that make up my facets
And these hang ups over tiny things
I try not to let them me the things I hang my self off of

No one likes a broken man
But some seem to love it
I’d like to meet someone who does
Hell I’d pass for someone who could just put up with me

Trust me, I’m lying.

I could tell you I’m all right
That everything is fine and dandy
And those scars on my arm are from the cat
That the bags under my eyes are because 
I stayed up late doing homework(of all things)
I would just smile and nod and go through the motions
And wait to go back into the arms of those demons
That know me all to well
I could tell you I’m all right
And you would ask are you sure?
And I would say trust me(I’m lying)

 

prompted by - ressuscitepourmourir